I remember being in sixth grade when my biggest romantic dream was to have my first kiss while listening to a corny Sixpence None the Richer song. Now, I go out on a typical Thursday night to look over in a corner and see a girl making out with a guy who has his hand up her skirt on a dirty couch with one of the romantic tunes of Justin Beiber or Lady Gaga pumping in the background. While the guys go to bars and clubs hoping to get all of the partying and hookups out of their system by the time their four (and sometimes five for you frat stars) years are up, SMU’s finest girls go out in their tightest dresses hoping to snag a guy wearing what they hope is a real Rolex. Maybe they’re from successful families, sometimes they’re charming frat boys that can help you climb the social ladder, or maybe they were just really attractive; but in the end, “like OMG why do they never take me seriously?!” Because, seriously, while you’re sitting on CollegeACB waiting to get a call back the next day, he’s bitching about how your spray tan rubbed off on his sheets.
So when is the right time to do the dirty? Maybe you aren’t the kind of person to go home with him on the first or second night. You play hard to get, make him work for it a little and then when you think you can trust him, you cave. Soon enough you’re trapped in the obscure realm of sleeping with each other but not dating. So what’s next? Should you just wait for it to get boring? Suddenly at the end of the night, you find yourself trying to talk to him, but you know he’s just waiting through the conversation to get to his reward, you. Well, you’ve already had sex so why not, right? It’s not like you’re adding any more notches on your belt and it’ll feel pretty rewarding in your intoxicated state. Wrong. If he’s not taking you out, he’s not that into you. And if he’s not that into you, well, you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with him.
Psychologically, it’s very hard for women to have sex without hoping, even slightly, that your partner would be willing to eventually commit to you. Even if you aren’t looking for a boyfriend, you still want him to want a relationship; so in the end, you can say that you had the upper hand. As long as you’re spared from a miserable state of rejection, you’re set. The big problem is finding a hot guy with no obvious personality faults who isn’t a pansy to say hey, maybe women actually have personalities and maybe, if I gave one a chance, I could get along with her. However, every hot guy without some kind of obvious personality flaw knows that at SMU, he can get away with sleeping around for a couple of years before he decides that getting a girlfriend is worth it. So are we just supposed to wait until they come around? Are we doomed to abstain in order to avoid becoming a used victim of the double standard? Not necessarily. There will always be assholes. So maybe instead of criminalizing the male population, we can start to look at what we can do better.
Step one: Just get a fucking vibrator already and get over it. Don’t sell yourself short; the right guy will come along. So in the meantime, take some time to um…love yourself. If it’s that obvious that he just wants sex, take the compliment that he finds you fuckable and move on. If you can’t tell if he’s sincere, time will. Take it slow so, if it turns out that he actually wants to get to know you and will wait, you can be confident that when the time comes, it will be exciting and guilt-free.
Step two: Take responsibility for your own sexual actions. Maybe he’s not a jerk and you’re just an idiot. Think before you act. Imagine the worst-case scenario, (he never talks to you again, etc.) Is it still worth it? Will you feel like a tool or be able to look back and say, “I really enjoyed getting to know him; it’s too bad it didn’t work out”. Of course sometimes getting screwed over is unavoidable, but knowing you did what you could and that the guy is actually a douchebag will help a lot.
Step three: Don’t kid yourself. If you know he’s not looking for a relationship, don’t sleep with him thinking you’ll be the one to change his mind. If you are, you’ll know before you have sex and he’ll make sure you know he respects you. Sometimes it’s hard to cut your losses when you’re crushin’; but in the end, you’ll thank yourself so when the right guy comes along, your reputation won’t get in the way.
In our modern society, it seems like everyone’s getting some…all the time. But maybe there’s something to say about doing it old school. I know I’d much rather go flying with Frank Sinatra than let Eminem tie me to a bed and set the house on fire. So let’s let the promiscuous girls do the dirty work so when that kind of cool, kind of sexy, hilariously funny but not funny-looking guy comes along, he’ll be looking at you instead of…the campus bicycle.
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