Baller on a budget

H ow many time have you wanted to look like a boss, but lacked the sufficient funds? If you are Greek, there’s a good chance your parents shower you with money. Unfortunately my parents cut me the fuck off after I left. Not wanting to sell drugs or get a full time job – I’ve developed strategies to ball out, and stay on budget.

The Aristocratic Goose
Nothing impresses shallow hot women like expensive, unnecessary purchases and extravagances. Women also know nothing about fine alcohol like most of us bros, especially after a couple drinks. Therefore I developed the Aristocratic Goose. Expensive alcohol such as Grey Goose is expensive as fuck, and pretty damn smooth going down the hatch. Do any clueless freshmen girls know the taste of fine liquor? Not a chance. Find an empty bottle, and fill it full of Aristocrat Vodka. A $70 show of being a boss, blowing money and getting everyone fucked up – for the low price of $10. Baller on a Budget.

Student Health Condom Swag
If you have any sense whatsoever, you will use condoms on the random sluts you bring back to your dorm. Yes, the numb sex pretty much sucks compared to the latter, but so do warts on your penis. If you’re a baller, you will have sex around 4 times a week. Depending on how many times you have sex, that can cost roughly $10 a week. That’s $40 dollars a month, and $360 a year! That’s like 25 cases of beer! If you’re on a budget, you might want to just get some head. Or you could simply pick up some rubbers every week from student health for the low price of free. Ballin’ on a budget son.

Bike Swag
Filling up your tank these days can cost as much as $100. Fuck that noise. If you fill up once a month and switch to biking, you could save $900 per school year! If you live in a college town everything is within biking distance anyway, unless you are morbidly obese. Its also way easier to get a DUI driving drunk in a car than riding drunk on a bike. How many people can you kill biking around drunk? One (yourself). In a car? Like 7 or something! Safer, less expensive, and more exercise/detox/breeze. Baller on a budget… and a bike.

Cheap Eats
Eating out 3 times a day can cost $30. Do this every day and its $210 a week, $600 a month! Fuck that noise, it seriously cuts into my alcohol budget and there is no way I could afford it. Get on your ramen noodle swag for breakfast, and hit up your meal plan or fraternity for food as much as possible. I also try to hit a different sorority for dinner or lunch every day. Their gourmet chef’s blacked salmon blows our old black guy cook’s fried grease balls out of the water every day. Not to mention I eat lunch with hot ass girls everyday for free…Also, this is kind of low but I hit up all types of different interest meetings for the free pizza. “So how long have you been into horses? Glad to know a guy is joining the equestrian club!” …. I’m not bitch, but this pizza is delicious.

Frat House Finds
Have you ever been in the attic or back closets of your frat house? Its like a fucking gold mine of awesome shit. You could find a fraternity t-shirt from the 80′s, a naked blow up doll, or a giant mound of pot – really the possibilities are endless. Its also not stealing because you know the dudes that put this shit there have been long gone and are not coming back. I found a complete disc golf collection, a drum set and 8 sick ass vintage button downs I rock all the time. Next time you are bored and feel adventurous – wonder into the fraternity catacombs and see what awesome shit you find… for the small price of FREE.

For all those kids that don’t get a weekly allowance of 2 grand, one of the first steps of life is balancing a budget. Balling out is just something that awesome dudes do. Why not do both.

Tags: SMU